why him?

most of the people who are reading this know that my heart belongs to a lovely young man named raúl esteban cortés solís from las condes, santiago, chile. but why? i've thought about it many times and have often shared bits of this big "why" with random people but i want to take this opportunity to write about the love of my life...

to preface this great tale i have to mention that before coming to chile in 2005 i was DEAD set against not falling in love. at that point in time there existed a great stereotype about girls from wash u that went abroad to chile: they either came back married or pregnant. in other words before leaving the only comment people seemed to have was: so i guess when you get back you're going to be like in love with some chilean guy then, huh? needless to say this was quite bothersome. i took it upon myself to be the spokeswoman for single wash u girls living it up in chile. we were something like 13 women in a group of 17 and by the time the 4th or 5th month rolled around and no one was seriously dating i couldn't have been happier. i was convinced that we were the ones really making the most of our study abroad by not relying on another person to define that experience but rather independently getting the most out of our stay. i admit, i had casually dated a couple of guys and had enjoyed that part but it certainly hadn't defined my experience by any means.

skipping over the long part of the story, when i met raul, i was really really reluctant to accept what was in front of me. i was at the end of my 5th month in chile with only 2 left. i had been so against the idea of really "falling" for someone that i almost made the horrible mistake of letting my stubbornness win over something wonderful. finally (and luckily) i got over my anti-chilean tirade and saw the beauty of what had come into my life. to illustrate a little bit of what i felt, i'll post here an excerpt from an email i had sent to my best girl friends back home when i realized the "big-ness" of what was happening between raul and i:
"More than anything else I'm happy not to doubt. I don't ever worry if he
likes me as much as I like him or if he'll call or if he wants to spend time
with me when I want to spend time with him…because we always seem to be on
the same page. And yeah it's puke-on-your shoes, gag-me cute, but whatever.
Also, it's amazing to "love" in Spanish. Just a completely different,
sometimes difficult but always "sigh" experience. And like I said to my
fam, I know it seems like this is something that's going to further tie my
heart down in Chile..."
and that's what happened. the thing that originally made me stop focusing on my silly crusade and really see what fate had brought me was this man's incredible honesty. since day one i have not doubted a word of what he has said to me. even though at times it seemed incredible and intense and even a bit crazy, i've always known it was true.

since that initial acceptance of this new step in my life, there has been so much more to love about raul esteban. this man is faithful like no other. we spent 10 months apart while i finished my degree at wash u and i never once doubted that he was where he said he was, doing what he said he was. he works at a bar and i never ever worried that he would "hit on" some other girl or even look twice. i feel as though the way he feels about me is as pure and true as anything.

another one of my favorite things is that he has the heart of a child.
in this life that everyday i feel i have to take more seriously, he and his lighthearted spirit bring endless joy to my existence. it's silly things really like rolling up in a blanket and making up a song about catapillars or doing the "happy dance" about eating ice cream or seeing the joy in playing futbol with the neighbor kids... all while i'm worried about paying the water bill or cleaning the floor. he brings me back to the things that matter. he shows me what's really important while at the same time supporting and fostering our "real" life. he has real prespective on things. worry when things are important but don't stress about stupid little things. sing songs instead :o)

Along with bringing joy to me with this incredible inner-joy, he also has an undescribable way with children. we have one friend here in concepcion that has the cutest little 5 year old daughter EVER. she's the quietest, shyest, sweetest thing... and she absolutely ADORES raul. we went to her 5th princess birthday party and everyone was amazed not by the atrocious amounts of candy or the color pink but by raul, who spent the entire 4 hours right up in the thick of things, surrounded by princess crowns and "dancing" kindergarteners. and not because anyone told him to, but all on initiative of his own and all long after the rest of us were way over the shrieking, whining, crazy mess. all of the moms commented on how great he was and what a wonderful father he'll make someday... wow.

introducing raul to new people is one of the best parts of my life. i swear that every time i bring him to meet a group it's the same story. he walks into the room with an ease that floors me, immediately is able to converse with whoever i first introduce him to and transmit that crazy "buena onda" (sorta like good vibes) to everyone present. the first example of this was when i brought him to meet my coworkers at the community center in santiago.
as is typical, i was nervous to introduce my significant other to people i worked with... i must have been crazy. it was such a pleasure to be able to see the way they adored him from the first moment that i even felt it was sort of a compliment to me. even though i certainly wasn't looking for external validation about what i feel for him, i was like "wow... he really IS as wonderful as i think he is and i cannot WAIT to introduce him to everyone when we someday make it to the states." since this instance the situation has repeated itself numerous times- with my volunteer friends, with my university colleagues, with new conce friends (gringos and chilenos), with people's family's that we meet, etc. etc., etc. his personality, his energy, his easy smile and incredible laughter make him so easy to like, and love.

beyond being wonderful to the outside world... he is amazing to me. his committment runs on a level that sometimes i can't even believe. from day one, i have felt his support of and his certainty about us as an entity. since we first started talking seriously, i have known that he will come with me back to the states to make a life. and absolutely NOT because he has no ties here in chile or has always wanted to go and is looking for a was. his family is INCREDIBLY close, supportive and wonderful. he, we, have an amazing group of friends (also incrediblly supportive) who we will miss terribly. but yet i know that he, deep in his heart, has an endless appreciation for the efforts i've made to be a part of his life here in chile that he will not hesitate one moment to do the same in order to continue and enrich our life together.
also, he is a helpless romantic. as i mentioned before there are times i can get caught up in being too responsible, too focused, too "fome"... there is nothing raul loves more than to turn on romantic songs (english and spanish), hold me tight, and dance around the living room while making up his own lyrics about how wonderful i am and how amazing what we have is. truly flooring.so, although i never wanted to fall in love in chile or so young, there are obviously loads of reasons why this man has won my heart... and why we'll stay together, forever.